So I went to see Gods of Egypt, the new possibly historically inaccurate retelling of somewhat inaccurate tales of the Egyptian pantheon. Oh but reviewers are going to hate this movie and, indeed, have already pre-hate it. And I’m certainly not here to tell you it’s a “good” movie or even that you should “see it”. Probably you should not. But I admire this movie. Yes, admire.
It’s not many movies that have a real courage of their convictions. This movie commits to its mythology, never once mocking what could easily be mocked. I’m not saying it doesn’t have a sense of humor – it does and sometimes it even works – but it never (or rarely) winks at how silly all this mythology is. Because, you know, most of this movie is trying real hard to depict ancient Egyptian mythology. I mean, at one point the movie goes up to the sun god Ra’s sky barge (looks like a space ship) as it tows the sun across the sky with a massive chain. And, dammit, the agent of chaos Apophis (a giant space worm) threatens Earth so Ra flies around the flat disc of the planet (yes, the Earth is flat) and chucks fireballs until Apophis is turned away.
It takes guts to give us a movie with this level of potential silliness. We are somewhat used to Greek mythology which can be silly as well but we are more steeped in it as Americans. Clash of the Titans, for instance. We may be less familiar with Norse mythology and there hasn’t been a real attempt in recent times to depict that except through the lens of the Marvel Thor movies (where everyone is a space alien). But Egyptian mythology kind of gets the short shrift (except where it intersects with Judaism and Christianity but that doesn’t really count).
A lot of this looks silly but does that mean we should pick on it’s depiction? Yes, some of it has a distinctly Heavy Metal magazine sci-fi feel to it but, then again, they have a sky barge carried aloft by a thousand birds and a waterfall literally falls from space to form the Nile’s source.
Whether the movie is GOOD or not beyond this level of commitment, well… it’s a mixed bag. But I kind of got into it slowly and eventually and kind of was enjoying the goofy fun by the end. The first 20 minutes or so is pretty bad though and the FX – and the movie is basically one giant special effect – are sometimes dreadfully bad but they aren’t ALL bad because, yeah, the movie doesn’t always look terrible.
The cast – and there has been much hay made of the cast – has mostly white actors playing the Egyptian gods (and at least one black guy, one asian woman, a dude with a cow head, an Anubis with his jackal head). Nicholae Coster Waldau (Jamie Lannister) plays the god Horus who wants revenge after his uncle, the god Set (played by Scottsman Gerard Butler), murders his father Osiris. Set steals Horus’ eyes and he must enlist the talents of a mortal thief (the kind of street rat who is one step ahead of the bread line, one step ahead of the sword, if you know what I mean) to steal them back. No two ways about it, these giant Egyptian gods (and some of the mortals) are pretty white and I get that this is annoying and inaccurate… but I think accuracy took a detour in this preposterously over-built Ancient Egyptian city-scapes.
The overall plot isn’t hard to follow and you might even call it predictable. For example, it provides an excellent example of Chekhov’s Giant Killer Space Worm. You know: show a giant killer space worm in Act 1, and in Act 3, that giant space worm descends from space and starts to drink the Nile. It’s a tale as old as time. :-p
Anyhow, except for the first 10-15 minutes, I can’t say I was actually bored by the sheer abandon of the spectacle and commitment in this movie. I appreciate that it took its source material seriously (if not always accurately) but also didn’t take itself too seriously otherwise. It’s big and dumb and loud and predictable but I had what could almost be mistaken as fun watching it. Yes, it’s not “good” and you may already hate it for Hollywood white-washing, but I think there’s enough there that if this is something you would even dream of seeing in the first place, you might enjoy it. Everyone else might well stay home.
Score: 77