And finally subjected myself to the Tough Guy With Kids movie Playing with Fire. This is in the weird sub-genre of family comedies where a tough guy (usually a wrestler, sometimes just an action star) has to take care of little kids. Because big muscles and tiny humans are inherently funny? But yeah, other films in this genre include classics such as Suburban Commando (Hulk Hogan), Mr. Nanny (Hulk Hogan again), Kindergarten Cop (Arnold Schwarzenegger), The Pacifier (Vin Diesel), The Game Plan (The Rock), and even the upcoming My Spy (Dave Bautista). This time it’s John Cena (do-do-doooo!).
So the film is about a firehouse full of tough guy smoke jumpers (so much cooler than firefighters) who rescue three cute kids and have to take care of them until child protective services show up. There’s the angsty teen, the tween on a constant sugar high, and the little girl who seems to need to go boom-boom a lot. So this is a very kid-oriented film that revels in dumb comedy and poop jokes. A lot of poop jokes. I mean, inexplicably shooting poop through Cena’s gas mask level poop jokes. Oh, and My Little Pony. So much My Little Pony.
I can’t say I hated hated hated this movie. I did chuckle on occasion, I’ll admit. I more often didn’t and the level of comedy here isn’t exactly high… or intelligent… or intended for mature audiences. But John Cena’s ridiculous face and chest are used amusingly (dude looks CGI sometimes) and the kids are cute when the younger ones aren’t being terrible actors. I can’t say I was super charmed by the movie… but on occasion I’ll admit my two-small heart grew maybe a quarter of a size. Maybe.
The film also stars Keegan-Michael Key who seems to be having fun and John Leguizamo who is occasionally amusing. Tyler Mane – who previously played Michael Myers and Sabretooth in the earlier X-Men movies – also plays a fireman and could charitably be given credit for starring in his own Tough Guy With Kids movie. Judy Greer is charming as the requisite love interest for Cena… not sure why though as he offers nothing but biceps and a meaty head.
Random aside… the movie’s end credits include a blooper real. None of which is funny. Inexplicable.
Nobody really needs to see this movie. It’s not good enough to justify it’s runtime or its existence beyond as a babysitting tool for kids who love poop jokes. But if you are forced to see it, it’s dumb but mostly inoffensive (did I mention the poop jokes?).
Score: 68