The only reason I didn’t give this flick a half star is that I realized afterword that the ugly yellow mustache Garfield has isn’t unique to the movie. I hate hate hate how its animated in this flick but since it was there from beginning, I’ll regretfully settle on just one measly star.

The Garfield Movie sets our titular lazy cat on a milk heist. He’s joined by useful idiot Odie (who is awesome even when he’s not) and a couple other ugly roly poly animated characters

My hatred, loathing, and disdain for this flick borders on the irrational. It’s a movie for kids… but a kids movie can be clever and fun for them while entertaining adults as well. They didn’t have to set out to debase kids with notions of how stupid they are (maybe they are, but it’s our job to uplift them with quality, isn’t it?).

I detested most of the simplistic art style of this film… it bothered me that almost every character is a formless fat body that required no creativity to draw. A shar pei dog character was so off-putting that I hated every minute his lose skin flubbered around onscreen. Only a very Ren & Stimpy chihuahua (who also looked a lot like the hyaena Ed in Lion King) and Odie – dear sweet idiot Odie – were the only character that didn’t make me want to gouge out my eyes with a trowel. Oh, and Jon too (if only Garfield Without Garfield was this movie…).

The story itself was nothing amazing and mainly bored the snot out of me. It’s attempts at humor were things I logically recognized as jokes but couldn’t find the humor in. There were a couple decent zingers here and there so at least there’s that. There’s a family plot with massively unearned pathos that only padded out the runtime.

The voice acting is… a great big bland bowl of plain oatmeal. Chris Pratt is charismatic when in human form but his voice talents don’t lend themselves to animation. I’m not gonna say Garfield has to sound lazy like Bill Murray but maybe he should sound like… anybody else? Someone? Chris Pratt just sounds like my neighbor.

Maybe my hatred for this ultra boring flick is itself detestable. I don’t know. All I do know is that I felt locked into my movie theater seat, watching the clock, and regretting my decision to watch this flick. Yes, I really do hate Tuesdays.

Score: 56