About all I knew about this film is that it was the most expensive Indian film ever produced… and, after watching it, that’s still about all I know. Which isn’t to say it doesn’t have a plot that I followed… but more that I was missing out on a whole lot of mythological subtext that would give the plot weight.

The film is set after an apocalypse has wiped out all cities except one (or possibly two). An immortal (?) Hindu-Mummy-Man needs something from a particular unborn baby. His scientists try to grow such a baby until rebels break a pregnant mother out. And it’s a car chase and a shoot out and OMG so much happens in this film.

So much happens and yet… so little. I’d argue it’s one long action scene but so was Fury Road. But I didn’t feel like we were getting very far in Kalki and that a lot of it was just “look at the pretty FX” to an absurd length (it is, of course, a 3+ hour Indian film).

And those three hours are filled to the brim with impressive (usually) special effects, imaginative apocalyptic vehicles, cool ray guns, a mech, a giant immortal man, and a grab bag of other things that will kind of remind you of that other movie you saw that one time. But I can’t bag on the film for its ambition and drive. If you want your post-apocalyptic vehicular combat, the movie’s got you covered.

But I was missing something. Surely this film is based on some arm of Indian mythology that went over my head. I hope that’s the case since there’s barely a comprehensive plot driving the film. Imagining there’s something under the surface that a well-versed Indian crowd would immediately glom onto makes me feel better about those three hours spent.

Also, and maybe this is just me, but very little of the film’s action had much gravity or importance. Or, maybe it’s the opposite: everything felt as important as everything else. There was no sense of pace, no peaks, no valleys. It all looks amazing and moves fast… but there was just too much of it and not driven plot points. It all starts at 11, stays at 11, and cuts to a “To be Continued”… that’s also at an 11.

Which, btw, means this is part 1… and the end credits promise a Kalki Cinematic Universe. Much luck to them… I wouldn’t mind seeing how it ends, but hopefully with better pacing and drama.

I enjoyed the movie even if it was a seriously long sit. I’m gonna give it a slight ratings bump for my ignorance… it’s not the movie’s fault that my ignorant butt didn’t get the context.

Score: 81