I think my smooth brain (safely ensconced in my skull and of regular human size) just isn’t advanced enough to “get” Rumours. It’s a strange, gaspingly overly long satire of global politics or something. If only a machete-wielding madman had come out of the trees and started slicing and dicing this mess into a meaningful film…

It’s about the seven world leaders of the G7 meeting in the woods to write-up a mutual set of platitudes proving they agree on something hand-wavingly vague. When… I dunno… something happens, they wander around the woods for a bit and have weird encounters with random weird things. I dunno. Something something the end of the world? Maybe? I dunno. They don’t know either.

Yeah, I’m sure this was political satire since Charles Dance – as the British President of the US – kept falling asleep. And Joe Biden is old so… satire? And maybe prescient since Trump got re-elected and maybe he’ll fall asleep too. But otherwise, I’m not worldly enough to know why Germany and Canada are so horny for each other, why Japan never talks, etc. It’s maybe a movie that only world leaders will get which makes it a vanishingly small target market.

I guess the only bit I did king od like was the literal last scene… which was way too little way too late. Otherwise there are some random weird horror and sci-fi elements plus someone starts speaking Swedish… which might mean something or might just be random noodly nonsense. I theoretically like the go-for-whatever bits ‘n pieces but not what they don’t add up to.

Maybe this is a case of Skinamarink or Donnie Darko where some people will get it and other won’t. Count me in the negative column. Maybe you’re smarter, more worldly, and more erudite than me and will get it without having to google the meaning of erudite?

Score: 59