Exterritorial is a Netflix Die Hard clone… where our hero must escape, infiltrate, exfiltrate, re-infiltrate, and generally wander around a US Consulate in Germany. Which seems like it would be a particularly hard place to Die Hard in.

It’s about a German ex-soldier who brings her six year old to the US consulate. But when the kid goes missing from the daycare, she isn’t believed by security so she has to go all John McLain on their asses.

Never before has the security of a government facility been so lax. I have no idea by what logic this film operates where a wanted person just wanders the halls and has lunch at a busy commissary. Surely the security cameras are on, right? C’mon… we don’t come to action movies for logic and reason, but they chose a high security government facility… at least pretend to understand how it operates.

The film also introduced some ideas about what’s real and what’s not… which is a problem when so much of the film (including her hacker best buddy who shows up randomly and solves her problems) feels like a fever dream of unreality. We’re supposed to believe its real but the script kept trying to convince me otherwise.

It only runs an hour and forty but feels so much longer. There are a couple of pretty good hand-to-hand fights to liven things up but there’s so much downtime, silliness, and bumbling plot elements that it drags the film down. I kept checking the clock and being baffled how they were going to fill another hour of this.

So, yeah, not a very good film on multiple levels, its believability being a major one. It’s too long, too sodden, and just a slow, slugging mess with the usual dah-dah-DAH-dah generic action movie music.

Score: 68