I skipped this one back in 2020, but with its sequel racing up the ratings charts (in reverse), I figured it was time to see if this movie actually earns all those half star reviews.

It does. It very much does. It makes other Netflix half-star wonders look amazing in comparison. I think Joey King deserves an apology.

Though I’ll be charitable and give it one star for being an actual movie with nice location shooting. Half credit for competence.

The film is about a woman who is kidnapped by a deranged head of a mafia family who fell in love with her from afar. He tells her he won’t do anything to her until she asks… and, if she hasn’t fallen in love with him in 365 days, she’s free to go. I’d like to see that version of the movie, honestly.

I really hate the bad boy trope in books and film… but, I tell ya, the asshole in the After movies was just an asshole. Christian Gray was a control-freak. But at least neither of those assholes were sociopathic kidnapping crime bosses. That’s a lot to ignore for a nice set of abs and apparently the most suckable tallywacker in non-X rated movies.

I mean, hey, at least they assure us he’s not into human trafficking. A prince among men… well, except for kidnapping the woman he has the hots for. I mean… red flag? Anyone? Anyone?

To the movie’s credit, it pushes aside flicks like 50 Shades of Grey and says, “You want real down and dirty sex? We got that.” And it was… pretty impressive (?) the volume of sex and nudity we got. I was wondering what the cleaning bill was for that yacht.

This is a “romance” that could only appeal to people who want to be dominated. To them I say: here ya go. But not sure who else this appeals to since nothing really happens besides exactly what’s advertised. It was… tedious (when naked flesh wasn’t on screen).

It’s a bad movie but you don’t need me to tell you that. Like many others, I’m perplexed they thought this sadistic kidnapping for sex plot was a good idea. I guess it’s not an American film so maybe “Me too” and “good taste” and “not emulating Skinemax movies” aren’t necessarily universal ideas.

Score: 58