I just got beaten and abused by the Netflix original / Michael Bay movie 6 Underground. Say this much for Mr. Bay… you always know you’re watching one of his movies. Man has a certain style… whether he uses his powers for good or evil is largely up to you. Me? I hate almost everything he directs. So he spent 150 million Netflix bucks to give us a movie for Christmas. Joy to the (exploding) world.
So 6 Underground stars Ryan Reynolds as a tech billionaire who has faked his own death so he can form a kind of A Team to take down the world’s baddies that the government won’t – or can’t – take down themselves. With his six-person team, they travel the world and blow things up with the power of a twelve year old’s fantasies. Kerpow, crash, bang, squeeeel, smash!
The first hour of this film is an almost incomprehensible smash up bash up of that 12 year old’s ID. Just a lot of cars crashing into each other, bodies flying, heads getting shot, boobs, butts, and slow-mo. There’s semi-random flashbacks that have flash forwards and for all the smash-cut, fast-forward, slow-mo editing and wisecracks, there’s little character, little plot, and little desire to make you care about anything going on. But if you don’t mind your action flicks having no stakes and no attempt to make you care, then I guess this works. I mean, someone has to like Michael Bay movies – they all kind of operate with this complete disregard for physics, logic, and emotional intelligence and they make money. So this is me with my cinema snob hat on… ignore me if you like!
The second half of the flick settles down to at least have the trapping of a plot. Our heroes have to overthrow a fictional “stan” country and install the current dictator’s little brother. Shrug. They do this and it’s still a non-stop barrage of noise and lights… but at least it’s going somewhere. It just does it endlessly… spending so much money on screen in so many places across the globe (someone said it’s like the Windows 10 screen saver in action). I give Bay credit each time – he puts all that money on screen.
I also give a little bit of weird credit. Especially in the opening thirty minutes, he does things with human bodies and automotive carnage I haven’t seen before. He makes sure we see the bodies smash, crash, and go flying when the cars wreck. It’s kind of impressive… after decades of body-less stunt-driven (or FX-driven) car crashes, now we get the natural result. Cars split in two, disgorging the occupants towards the camera or smashing into walls. Cars smashing through crowds, throwing bodies. And then there’s some pretty grisly gunshots that have been done before, but certainly they are done with greater care, often in slow-mo, here. I mean, this is all kind of sick but I appreciate the craftsmanship. If this is what Michael Bay intended to do, he sure did it with skill.
So I pretty much dislike this noisy flick. But if you want your vehicular homicide and gunfights flashy and done with clear skill, you’ll probably enjoy this, especially if you can shut that brain off and not care if there’s not much character or plot. I personally prefer more.
Score: 65