The Alto Knights asks the all important question: can there be too many Robert De Niro gangster movies? Turns out, yeah there can… especially when this gangster movie feels so familiar and dull. Haven’t we seen this before?

It stars – for unknown reasons – Robert De Niro as two different gangsters. They were childhood friends but now they are old foes. Meanwhile: gangster stuff. And more gangster stuff. You’ve seen it before gangster stuff. And meanwhile, I honestly couldn’t pinpoint what this flick was actually about… at least not until the final act where, halfway through I guess they found the point.

I wasn’t in a good mood when I decided to say ‘screw it’ and went to the theater anyway. I’m not a big fan of mob movies in general so perhaps I’m not the target market. I was neither entertained nor interested in Gangster Movie #559.

I didn’t know the gimmick of De Niro playing two different characters so I spent a few too many minutes wondering which of these two guys was De Niro anyway. They had done some de-aging and added some facial prosthetics so my short-circuiting brain was baffled. I’d go back and forth… that’s De Niro, right? Wait a second… why did they hire this other guy who looks so much like him? Should I be embarrassed? I’m not… they made the dumb choice to glue on the fake chin, not me.

Which means a movie that already had an insufferable amount of De Niro’s fast talking goomba jive now has two of him for no clear reason. Seriously, would these Italian stereotypes just stop mumbling their gangster “fugedaboutit” stereotypes for one minute? And maybe not take a random pause so they could Ooh Ahh babble about Mormons for cryptic reasons?

And, to be clear, I like Robert De Niro… but he was just playing to the usual stereotypes in a movie that bored the hell out of me. Nothing was interesting, very little was told with craft, and I just stopped paying super close attention… it’s a “push down on the soda lid blisters” movie for me. When you get so bored that fiddling with the lid of your drink is more interesting than the movie.

Yeah, I hated it. Boo hiss. It’s just more gangster lore told without passion or interest, featuring a dumb gimmick that served no purpose. I couldn’t wait for the credits to roll. Oh wait… directed by Barry Levinson? W as he bored that day?

Score: 57