I’m aware of the existence of the French comic strip characters Asterix & Obelix but that’s as far as it goes. I have to assume they are quite popular based on their longevity and apparently a lot of movies. So I figured I’d give this Netflix reboot a try and see if I can see why. Spoiler: I could not.

The flick stars this mismatched pair during the Roman occupation of Gaul – Asterix is a little guy and Obelix is fat (characterization complete). They are spending their days beating up Roman soldiers when a Chinese princess shows up. They travel with her back to China… while the literal Julius Caesar has the same idea.

Maybe you had to be there… maybe you have to be a fan… maybe you have to have to have seen previous movies. Or maybe this is just a wildly unfunny, wildly terrible movie. It looks cheap, especially in the costuming of its two heroes. Asterix has a particularly flimsy looking winged helmet and Obelix makes for a wildly unconvincing fat man (just a guy with half a fat suit).

I get that maybe I’m missing half the jokes and maybe this is a laugh riot to fans. I have doubts. I have deep, ingrained doubts. This is aggressively unfunny and you should steer clear. Maybe it’s only meant for children? Particularly easy to amuse children.

It doesn’t help (or maybe it does?) that Asterix & Obelix are glorified extras in their own movie. Julius Caesar gets more screen time and the Chinese princess and her body guard get all the action (set, of course, to the song Kung-Fu Fighting because: originality). Plus it’s just kind of weird a reboot of a French comic series would immediately abandon France and decide to be a kung-fu “epic”.

I hate to say Netflix produced another bad movie… but they did. Or maybe this is the best anyone can do with this property? I wouldn’t know and this flick doesn’t inspire me to find out. It’s remarkably bad.

Score: 57