I like to kick puppies and give silly little trifles like Crush bad reviews. I’m a monster… neither puppies nor this film deserve hate, but sometimes the movie is just mediocre despite its best charm offensive. The dog doesn’t deserve it though.. I love dogs. No dogs were harmed in the writing of this review. This is a strangled metaphor. Moving on.

Crush is about a high school girl who is crushing on another girl… so reasons reasons joins the track team. And it’s a frilly goofy-headed little teen rom-com that’s as mean as a luffa.

This film has highly appealing actors who have some scenes that are lovely and charming. I look forward to seeing more of them in a future where they just get better movies. I hate to kick this movie since these actors don’t deserve it.

But, yeah, the flick is just kind of insufferable. It seems to think it’s the first teen comedy that’s sex positive. And also has gay people in it. Like I’d be shocked – shocked! – by the racy content… like we haven’t seen it all before. Like they think I’m either gonna have to take a cold shower or spend a few days clutching my pearls. Oh my lawd have mercy?

And it doesn’t help that its just not very creative or funny. Humor is subjective so I guess maybe this is hilarious to some folk. But I’ve seen it done before in better films.

So I kick the puppy and give this is a low rating. Not the worst rating. The actors deserve a lot of praise for some surprisingly sweet scenes. But the rest of the movie just doesn’t work for me.

Score: 68