Westerns are not exactly my favorite genre so maybe my skepticism affected how I thought about this flick. But any movie in any genre as plodding and monotonous and unmoored from a conventional understanding of story progression would be a problem. The horses, six shooters, and dust just added to the in-seat misery.
The Dead Don’t Hurt stars Viggo Mortensen (who also directed) and Vicky Krieps as a married couple in the Old West. When he gets the urge to join the Union army to fight Johnny Reb, she’s left to manage the dirt farm on her own. Things don’t go well and, when he rotates back from war, he’s liable to do something about it.
The above is eventually the plot… at about an hour into the slow burn Western. Before that? No plot. Just a rambling morass of plodding mumbling tedium… one that bops back and forth randomly in time so you best be paying attention since the film ain’t gonna help. First Viggo’s wife dies in the first scene and then he meets a new woman… oh wait… is that the wife who died? Wait… was the opening set in the future and then we went back in time?
Maybe that’s my limitation as a severely bored movie goer… maybe everyone else will follow this plot and not have a late stage moment of realization… OH, I see what’s going on. Viggo Mortensen thought he was Christopher Nolan making a film unmoored from the ravages of storytelling progression in order to trick or confuse the audience.
When the film finally snaps into focus and finds a plot, it did pick up a little. I could see a revenge story form as the soap opera-y plot unfolded. It was at least something to hold onto that saved the flick from one measly star. Instead, it gets an extra half star for finally doing the bare minimum.
Also, the movie refused to end after the piffery of the revenge plot finally winds down. Just… wait… what’s that girl doing with a fish? Wait… what? The ocean… it’s a metaphor! Just like the mounted knight that shows up every once in a while. But… what was with the British soldiers… they shouldn’t exist in the Old West… oh wait. That’s a metaphor too. But for what? Ugh.
Anyhow, people seem to be rating this movie highly so I’m going to assume they are all huge Western fans, Viggo fans, or fans of movies dipped in molasses and handed to a turtle to project on a rock. Because it wasn’t for me.
Score: 60