When is a dog movie not a dog movie? When the dog in the dog movie vanished for 90% of the film, leaving us not following the dog on his harrowing cross-country journey home, but the boring, apparently jobless family who spend an exorbitant amount of time looking for him.

Yeah, the flick is about an aimless college graduate and his dog Gonkers. Gonkers has a Bad Fur Day while wandering the Appalachian Trail and the family has 20 days to find him before the microchip in his neck explodes (or maybe until the dog needs live-saving medicine… I’m a little fuzzy on the details).

Call me a cruel ogre who kicks puppies and yells at kittens, but I found this mostly dog-less dog movie to be one big dog of a movie. I know the job of a dog movie is to melt our hearts and love the love between man and his best friend, but this movie takes it to the next level. At some point watching it, I asked the screen how far was too far to find this dog? Yeah, I know, horrible monster… but c’mon… the flick was just laying it on thick.

And, yeah, you can tell when my latent indifference broke free and I started to not care any more. Get some perspective, guys. Half the country is looking for the dog and the humans are getting sick and almost getting into bar brawls and walking stretches of the Appalachian trail and apparently not working and earning money. Sorry to say, but the animal shelters are full of other dogs.

Gargle bargle snarl frump frump hooooom… oops… sorry… I reverted to my ogre form there. I just didn’t care for this movie. I found its dogless sections growing long and tedious. Basically 90 minutes of yelling “GONKER!” does not a compelling movie make.

Score: 68