As someone who doesn’t like to think the only good horror is An Evil Dead on Saw Street Part 13: Chuck’s Death Day in Texas, I should shut up and admire an eerie, atmospheric haunted film like The Eternal Daughter. But I didn’t. I have failed to be a proper movie snob.

The Eternal Daughter stars two, two, two Tilda Swintons in one… playing both a daughter and her aging mother as they vacation at an old hotel in the English countryside. There’s unsettled spirits (or just very rude employees) at this hotel… plus some of the most miserable weather, creakiest floorboards, and flutiest flutes generating a mesmeric tone to their stay.

Aaaand… the movie had me for a bit with its devotion to a creepy old mansion (and the wonderfully rude staff… 1 star on the app, baby!). The film definitely devotes itself to establishing this atmosphere and the sound guys are having a giddy fit of pure delight as they sound design and sound mix the daylights out of this flick. I could use this as my white noise machine trying to go to sleep… and it certainly worked on me in that capacity as I tried to keep my eyes propped open.

But eventually the sheer lack of anything critical happening got to me. Yes, yes… it’s a mood we’re playing with here but do I really have to watch them take the dog for walkies and then be mildly unsettled by an old woman in a window? To walk down a creaky hallways again?

And yet I know there’s a point to all this… we’re telling a story about the inevitably of age and watching your parent growing older. That we’re more in a metaphorical mindset where everything is an analogy and much of what’s happening might be in the mind. But I think this art house horror out-art-housed itself and lost me.

I guess I just wanted an axe murderer. Sigh. <eyes roll>

I’d totally buy it if you adored this film. I admire its commitment and devotion to the atmosphere and its themes. But I simply lost patience with it.

Score: 68