You’d think all the mocking FantFourStick got for doing “the sequel number is in the title so you know it’s cool”, the makers of Expend4bles would have reconsidered. But given how generic and boring the movie they made was, at least saying ExpendFourbles is a tiny bit of fun. You gotta find your joy somewhere.

Expendables 4 – sigh- something something nuclear detonators. Done and dusted. Moving on.

Stallone, Statham, Fox, Couture, Lundgren… and some other dudes aren’t enough to make you care when none of this matters. It’s one of those marvels where they can spend all the money in the world making guns, explosions, and CGI carnage and if you don’t have a plot, dialog, or characters that matter, the movie doesn’t matter.

I was so intensely bored. I kept thinking of all the other things I could be doing instead of pushing myself to reach the end credits. That new Spy Kids movie, Hellraiser 3, Starfield, the next episodes of The Expanse video game, a round of solo beer pong… you name it and it’d be more interesting than this boring ass boring movie.

Does it deserve such a bad review? Maybe… maybe not. But I saw no attempt at being anything. At least other recent bad movies you can kind of see the bones of something. I see nothing but “let’s get half the gang back together and film some shit. Where’s my paycheck?” So no points for no ambition. Hell, even the idea of the crusty old action stars is kind of gone. It’s mostly the Jason Statham hour and Statham can do good, Statham can do bad… but Statham can’t make a bad movie good. Some action stars can… he’s not one of them.

Moving on.

Score: 58