I.S.S. sounds like a movie designed for me… a total Gravity aficionado. Give me more realistic Low Earth Orbit (or high, or on Mars… I’m easy) movies and I would be a happy camper. But a (Russian) bear came along and tore up the space tents and now I’m a sad camper.

I.S.S. is set aboard the International Space Station which is crewed by three Americans and three Russians. They have agreed to never talk politics… but some very bad things are happening on Earth and now the crew have big decisions to make.

It’s very possible that some will watch this slow burn sci-fi thriller and be enraptured. I am not one of these people… I was stultifyingly bored by the creep of the alleged tension of this film. I kept wanting them to do something – anything – at above a snail’s pace. Yes, they are in micro-gravity but that doesn’t mean they have to crawl.

Serious, suspenseful moments and “action” scenes are all paced remarkably slow. I don’t get what they were going for other than slow burn? But minutes of slow ramp up to uneventful happenings were not interesting, thrilling, or exciting.

But if you can get with the film’s groove, there’ll be something to welcome you in. It’s a little too dark but I’ll forgive it some realism in their attempt to drive suspense. The acting seems fine… the visuals are pretty good. The ISS sets look about right to me and most of the micro-gravity effects/wire-work was good and mostly consistent. The film has an accurate crufty, lived-in look that makes you marvel that our huge, expensive space station looks like a bomb went off on closing day at Radio Shack.

But I was just bored. Tantalized at first, frowny at the lighting, and then bewildered. Why did these scenes have to drag on so long? I wish I’d loved it since it’d be nice to add another realistic space adventure film to the canon. But this wasn’t it. Not for me.

Score: 67