The latest remake of The Mummy (staring Tom Cruise as not-the-mummy) is also the latest attempt to launch a Universal Monsters cinematic universe (previously attempted and failed with the NOT-starring-tom-cruise Dracula Untold). This new movie is not an auspicious start to the Dark Universe (as the cinematic universe is called when it clearly should just be called Universal Monsters since that has pedigree).
The Mummy stars Tom Cruise in a movie that might just as well have starred the cast of Resident Evil or Underworld. But, no, it stars Tom Cruise and that elevates it from a B movie to an A movie? I guess that’s the logic… it didn’t work, but at least they tried. It also stars Russell Crowe who is the secret Samuel L. Jackson of the movie. Oh yeah, and it’s about a mummy… this time a female mummy (so all the bad “that mummy is a mommy” jokes can now be told). She’s played Sophia Boutella, most recently from Kingsman: The Secret Service and Star Trek Beyond (where she was really good). But this is barely her movie.
So, the basic premise is that Tom Cruise is a professional soldier and part-time tomb raider working Iraq for all its treasures. He and his comic relief buddy stumble upon the tomb of the ancient Egyptian princess-turned-mummy-buried-in-Mesopotamia-and-not-Egypt 5000 years ago. Things don’t go well when she refuses to stay dead. She starts to cause trouble in England… when the movie suddenly takes a break, puts her on ice, and decides to launch a cinematic universe.
It seems Russel Crowe’s character is director of a clandestine organization that hunts down evil and tries to cure it (or something). We see evidence of past encounters – vampire skulls, gill-men (Creature from the Black Lagoon) hands, etc. Minor spoiler, Crowe is playing Dr. Jeckyl and, in this Mummy movie, we get introduced to Mr. Hyde as well. This sequence puts the movie on hold for 15-20 minutes of exposition and Mr. Hyde fights.
There had to be a way to launch this clandestine organization storyline so it didn’t clunk down in the middle of the movie… Marvel did it in an after-credit stinger with one line of dialog from Sam Jackson. This movie is so sure this whole shared universe is gonna work, it gets in the way of the movie.
And unfortunately, Tom Cruise gets in the way too. This movie is very confused about what style it’s going for – it’s all over the place. It seems to want to be dark and atmospheric but it has this rando sense of humor that mainly involves Tom Cruise mugging at the camera in awkward and confused ways. He pulls some odd faces in some very broad comedy that we rarely see from him (he can barely wrap is his head around this whole “Mummy” thing).
Now, don’t get me wrong – comedy in a horror movie can work but what they do here just doesn’t. For example, minor spoiler, but Tom Cruise is being held down on an altar with the mummy lady straddling him… she pulls up his shirt and runs her hands along his side… and he… giggles. Because he’s ticklish, especially when a 5000 year old mummy who doesn’t have all her flesh yet and her gang of rotted corpse followers hold him down. It’s just… weird.
Anyhow, the first two thirds of the movie aren’t very good but when the Mummy finally gets released from the exposition hell mentioned earlier and starts to wreak havoc on London, the movie does legitimately pick up. It takes ninety minutes into a mummy flick to actually have some good (or at least decent) mummy action.
The movie is really dark and murky and feels like they are hiding shoddy and cheap special effects (namely the army of zombie/ghouls that the mummy raises to do her bidding). Other effects are better, such as the evil sand storm that Tom Cruise has to run away from (can’t have a Tom Cruise movie without Tom Cruise running).
So there you go… a really uneven, rocky, misguided movie that tries to glamour itself up with movie stars but feels on the level of a Resident Evil movie. It’s overburdened with exposition for its own story and that of the wider cinematic universe. The Mummy is weirdly sidelined in her own movie in favor of Tom Cruise and the Russel Crowe exposition dump. The humor matches poorly with the grim tone. I’m not saying the movie doesn’t have some entertainment value – it’s not complete garbage – but it is a mess and its not satisfying. It’s maybe worth seeing on cable or if you really want to be a completionist if this cinematic universe takes off.
Score: 68