Shotgun Wedding stars Jennifer Lopez and Josh Duhamel as a couple about to get married when pirates attack the venue and take the wedding party hostage. The happy bickering bride and groom have to yell at each… I mean work together to save their friends and family from having to stand chest-deep in a swimming pool for ninety minutes.

I like Jennifer Lopez… I really do. She worked well in the sweet Marry Me rom-com from last year so I’m not sure what went wrong in this flick. She’s just aggravating, nails-on-chalkboard. I kept wondering why the similar The Lost City worked with Sandra Bullock being a rough character and this did not. I think, with the exact same script, Bullock would have made this annoying character work. There’s a talent to playing borderline awful in a lovable way that Lopez just doesn’t have.

Not that she’s getting any help from Josh Duhamel who is insufferable in his own way. The co-stars in the swimming pool sometimes work well – Cheech Marin, Jennifer Coolidge, Lenny Kravitz(!?!), D’Arcy Carden, and more… they don’t save the movie and sometimes they tip-toe up to the chalkboard with nails drawn too, but overall they help more than they hurt.

There are moments during the pirate attack adventure shenanigans that are better than others and sometimes I was kind of enjoying the flick. The opening twenty minutes are painfully bad though and the final twenty minutes of light comedy action are a chore to sit through. There’s a little bitty bit in the middle that’s alright. Put that on the back of the box.

I just couldn’t enjoy this film due to the angsty, annoying leads. I’m sure the script did them no service, but when I spend time recasting the movie so I don’t have to put up with Lopez and Duhamel, I’d say something has gone wrong.

Score: 71