Slayers is one of the more annoying movies a person could accidentally watch. A full 50% of the movie is voice over narration / exposition of random unimportant details, 20% is disdain for social media influencers, 10% is random trifling nothing, and 20% is the worst vampire slaying action ever put on film in the modern age. Congratulations movie, you’re barely a movie.
Slayers is about, I dunno, a vampire illuminati’s attempt to extend their lifespan by body snatching social media influencers…. and the gruff vampire slayer who hates both sides.
This movie is wall-to-wall, carpet-to-ceiling exposition of a plot that feels like it was borrowed from a long book series of an extensive RPG. Just endless narration of historical factoids about vampires and the overly-convoluted plot that needs to be explained or our pea-brains won’t understand vampire = bad. There’s a sequence about half-way through the movie where I thought they’d just given up and decided to have a campfire story instead of a horror/comedy.
The film is also the latest in the social media influencer satires… but it kind of gives up on that half-way through the movie. Unlike the far superior Sissy and Deadstream, this film has nothing to say about these types of people except they suck, people who watch them suck, everyone sucks. So three cheers for the nuanced analysis of a subculture the filmmakers hate.
The actual minute-to-minute in the film is this over-edited, hyperactive, too-proud-of-itself noise of random inserts, score counters, inserts of owls with subtitles (for some reason), and whatever else the editor decided to add once they realized their movie sucked. Got to inject this with clever archness and hope nobody thinks we’re being try-hards (<film reviewer raises hand>).
The vampire slaying action in a movie called Slayers is Blue Light Special levels of mediocre. Just random scrambles and blood squibs that they try to spruce up with hyperkinetic distraction attempts.
This is a pretty abysmal film that I’m giving a touch extra in its rating just because, hell, it’s not all-together boring. Its hyper-kinetic energy is at least something to stare at. It’s bad film making but at least, “look at the sparkly” is an attempt to be better than garbage. Good grief.
Score: 64