So Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie came out and, surprise, it actually seems to get the turtles personalities right and is genuinely funny… except that is maybe only 5% of an otherwise really really lame action movie that has no idea if it wants to be a fun, comedic movie or a dour, dark action flick… even action scenes that look like they should be a lot of goofy fun were played far too serious.

These action scenes were quite tedious and poorly shot and just bored the hell out of me. This whole movie did… except when it was randomly absurd and reminded me of the old cartoons.

Also, the look of the turtles themselves are behemoth, muscle-bound freaks – if you took off their shells and added ears, each would look exactly like Shrek. And Shredder is so over-designed and huge that it made me think we missed a reel where he was wearing a smaller set of armor… but, nope, the movie just skips to Transformer Shredder without any kind of escalation (apparently no one knows how to write a script).

Skip this… watch that eighties flick even if it didn’t age well, or the more recent CGI cartoon from a few years back.

Score: 59