The scariest thing about Ticket to Paradise is how they stuffed it with such charismatic actors and made such an uncharismatic movie. Not an ugly movie and not a movie without bits of charm strewn about, but just a rather dull and unfunny romantic comedy.

Human charm machines George Clooney and Julia Roberts star as unhappily divorced couple whose daughter is getting married in Bali against their wishes. So they fly out, united in their hate for each other and their desire to sabotage a wedding.

I watched this movie with nary a laugh at the super banal comedy. I might have smiled occasionally at the banter between the stars, but it was so low energy that the only way this movie doesn’t get a terrible review is the sheer wattage of the smiles on the leads.

Leads who, frankly, I felt robbed for having paid for their vacation to the South Pacific. Every chump who buys a ticket (or rents once its available) has gifted Clooney, Roberts, and the gang an all-expenses working vacation to a beachful paradise. We paid their ticket to paradise and all we got was this ripped ticket stub (if even that).

There’s some charm late in the movie where we get to see what I guess is a traditional Bali wedding. That was pleasant and heartfelt and it showed me something I’ve never seen before. So that’s… pleasant.

I don’t hate this movie any more than I hate Julia Roberts’ smile and Geoge Clooney’s rakish grin. Hate is too strong a word. Maybe malaise or torpor or mild boredom. Pretty movie, wasted minutes.

Score: 72