Tin & Tina is a Spanish creepy kids horror flick that border on satire. It’s about a young couple who decide to adopt two of the oddest and most off-putting children imaginable. They are so odd and off-putting, their school bully instantly calls them Draculas. They are so odd and off-putting, they make Midwich Cuckoos run in fear.

I was genuinely amused by what was surely a satire of other creepy kids movies. And, if not satire, then surely intentional camp. The kids starry-eyed hyper-sweetness is bizarre and totally overkill. But they are dedicated and push it hard… so hard you immediately question why any rational adults would say, “Yup, we should take them home.”

But fair warning… they giggle their way through a ritual early on that… well, the content warning on Netflix includes “Animal Harm”. So almost immediately they cross a line some people will find objectionable enough to bail on the film. Me? I snickered and gaped at the tv, wondering how far they were going to go (thankfully it was mostly off screen… not that it mattered much).

Unfortunately, later they do something similar that isn’t listed in the content warnings but should have been. If “animal harm” wasn’t too much for you, probably this sequence will be. It certainly made me frown at the screen…. and it takes a lot for me to say “hey, wait a minute now” at a horror flick.

But even without these two moments, the real problem that kills the movie is its almost two hour runtime. It sheds its campy vibes too quickly and doesn’t replace them with thrills or chills (not until a pretty solid single take sequence in the final act). Two hours is just way too long for this material and these whackadoodles.

I was enjoying myself with that first acts satire/campy vibe. But they didn’t know when to edit their flick and totally lost me in the second act doldrums. You might get a kick out of its nutty tone… and you might even be able to handle its objectional moments… but I think many will tune out… possibly in anger, probably in disgust.

Score: 66