I won’t bow to the altar of Martin Scorcese… the simple fact is that his new movie (with Leonardo DiCaprio) The Wolf of Wall Street is a ponderous three hours long and has footage worth cutting to spare. I think you get the point within ten minutes and then the movie repeats that point for two straight hours and then an extra hour to tell a generic cops and crooks story.

It’s quite possible this movie just wasn’t for me… maybe it’s for you. It’s also three full hours of excess and debauchery full of coke, cussing, full frontal (mostly female… maybe a little Jonah Hill), whores (high end), more whores (middle tier), and even more whores (low end)… it’s a great big takedown of wall street (wait…. didn’t someone already make this movie before?).

This is largely a comedy with a lot of inexplicable goofy bits (involving quaaludes) and I’m ok with that… not slamming them. Not slamming DiCaprio’s performance… or anyone else’s… Jonah Hill is amazing. But the movie had no need to be this long to tell the mundane story it was telling… it just repeated itself, spun its wheels, and had a bunch of scenes that take a LONG time to amount to nothing at all (involve qualuudes).

I think Scorcese just didn’t want to cut anything and nobody could make him cut anything… or maybe his point was to show this apparently true story for what it was… MORE MORE MORE IS NEVER ENOUGH (the tagline of the goofy trailer).

Merry Christmas? We got you a movie with Leonardo Dicaprio with a candle in his butt (and also snorting coke out of someone else’s butt).

Score: 74