Apartment 7A is a moribund waste of time. Ironically, if it were just a straight up remake of Rosemary’s Baby, it’d have been more watchable. But instead they base it on some irrelevant backstory and then proceed to basically tell … Continue reading
The biggest problem with Monster Summer isn’t that it’s a children’s horror movie, it’s the misleading advertising. This isn’t a movie about monsters at all… no werewolves, no creatures from black lagoons, no Frankenstein’s whatever, not even a particularly nasty … Continue reading
They can’t fool me… Azrael is the name of a cat. But maybe this flick has a deep backstory where Smurf-loving parents named their first born daughter after an evil cat? Maybe… but that assumes this frickin’ movie has a … Continue reading
Hell is a tween girl, I guess? Or, better yet, Hello God, It’s Me Zafreen (and my demon buddy). I mean, beware the girl in class who gets her period first… she’s probably possesed by SATAN! Tiger Stripes is about … Continue reading
Here After is a morose, ponderous sink into gloomy filmmaking that thinks its profound and original but is neither. It’s about a mother with a teenage daughter who dies for twenty minutes and then miraculously recovers. But is who comes … Continue reading
To be fair, Never Let Go is probably more a victim of how many times I’ve seen this exact premise over the past few years. But, that said, maybe they don’t have to regurgitate the same gimmick over and over … Continue reading
Dear lord… I think I’m traumatized. I’ve been on this Earth a long time and I’ve seen some seriously messed up movies… but The Substance might just be the most f’ed up thing I’ve ever seen in a theater. To … Continue reading
The Front Room is an insufferable grind from a writer grinding his axe in a way that’s gonna make Thanksgiving dinner awkward. It’s clearly a case of working through family issues and making me pay for it. No thanks. It’s … Continue reading
In that Beetlejuice Beetlejuice works at all is a goddamn miracle of direction. It’s so bloated with plots, subplots, characters, side characters, cameos, villains, and new ideas that I’m still not sure if they resolved everything. The plot synopsis? Where … Continue reading
On the one hand, Afraid is just another smart home automation AI paranoia film that borrows a little too much from Her and Megan. On the other hand, I kind of liked how it ended even if getting there was … Continue reading