Amsterdam is a movie that had me confused what it was about for ninety minutes… and then it became ABDUNDANTLY clear what it was about. And then it speechified and orated and made meaningful, ponderous connections to modern day. And then little red cartoon demons jumped around poking me with cartoony pitchforks saying “Do you get it? Do you get it? We’re making a point here!”

Amsterdam stars a fine trio of actors wandering through a movie they barely seem to understand either. I’ve not seen a more lackadaisical bunch of characters in a long time. Ostensibly this is a mystery, but I’m not sure anyone solves anything. They say it’s a David O. Russel film but I secretly suspect it’s a Coen Brothers film in the vein of Burn After Reading or Hail, Caesar.

Christian Bale, John David Washington, and Margot Robbie play soldiers and a nurse from WW1 who spent the post-war in Amsterdam becoming bestest friends. Then they rotate back to the States and, years later, get involved in a murder investigation. Then things happen and people chatter for about an hour and then things start to happen again. The end.

I’ll admit to getting so bored and distracted at about the hour mark that I started to lose the plot. All this chatter trying to tell me something that just wasn’t compelling or interesting. But that’s ok since the movie is very happy to over-explain itself in the end with more chatter.

This movie has a pretty stellar cast of actors who barely seemed engaged in the plot… if they even understood it. They are so disengaged and not remotely pro-active. In the finale, I guess two of them wrestle with a bad guy but then, I dunno, people stand around and talk and I don’t even think Christian Bale does anything but narrate and stand there looking dopey.

There is an out-of-nowhere threat to democracy at the end of the film that is directly talking to the audience. And, yeah, good point guys… not sure anyone who doesn’t already agree with you is even going to see this movie… and if they do, they’ll either deliberately miss the point or they’ll just label it Liberal Hollywood and call it a day. So… good job. Major rewards. Thanks for the lecture.

What a strange weird ponderous movie. I wish I could say I loved the actors or that they were having fun, but I’m not even sure about that. The flick certainly looks good and has some really nifty camera work. And…. despite the lecture, at least something happened in the end of the film, which I was beginning to doubt. Pretty mediocre film.

Score: 66