I swear to all the Gods of AMC that I saw The Hitman’s Bodyguard. I remember going to see the movie, I remember it starring Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson, and I remember thinking it was dumb enough fun and getting a mild pass. But I can’t remember a single damn thing about it. Not a one.

I can imagine it was a movie starring the Ryan Reynold’s Persona and the Sam Jackson Persona in a buddy-cop action flick but now I’m just theorizing based on clichés. Fact is… that movie left my brain so fast I was surprised they made a sequel. Because what more could there have been to say?

Well, not a lot actually. The Ryan Reynolds Persona and Samuel L. Jackson Persona are back and squabbling and bickering during some kind of hand waving James Bond Villain level plot. Something something Greece, something something destroying all of Europe. Antonia Banderas plays the Blofeldian villain, Salma Hayek is the spicy Latina Cliché wife, Morgan Freeman shows up, and Frank Grillo mysterious phases in and out of the movie too.

But this time all the buddy repartee between the leads just didn’t work for me. I found it all to be sadly desperate and unfunny. And I kept recognizing it as the Reynolds/Jackson schtick that usually works for me, at least on some level. Surely if it works for you, this will be a fuzzy-headed bit of escapism that you’ll probably enjoy. But I think I was in Samuel L. Jackson mode and not Ryan Reynolds mode sitting in the theater this time. Too grumpy by half.

I suppose, to be fair, some of the action set pieces – and almost self-referential way they play out – are occasionally funny. And things are filmed slickly and stylishly and its nice everyone got to vacation in various European cities. Some good production values give this movie a little life.

But that’s not really quite enough. It’s really a forgettable movie and I’d even say a disappointment except my expectations were so low having realized Will Smith had come along with his flashy thing and wiped my memory of the first flick. It’s possible – and likely – a general audience will enjoy this film if they buy into the shtick of the lead actors. At the end of the day, they are still charismatic, handsome fellows (and Salma Hayek ain’t no slouch either).

Score: 72