I mean, I guess Meet the Blacks 2 is better than Meet the Blacks 1 in the same way that getting your foot slammed in a car door is better than your hand. But neither is good and both get a half star so, really, is anyone a winner here? Maybe the concession stand at the theater? Certainly wasn’t me sitting there in the dark not so much wondering if I can get my 90 minutes back as wondering if I can get my whole damn life back.

The sick sad thing is, I went to the theater thinking I was going to see an original film… a comedic take on a family thinking there was a vampire living next door (or, you know, Fright Night). It wasn’t until I was at the movie theater that I saw the subtitle (which isn’t actually in the movie itself) Meet the Blacks 2. I could have backed out then… I could have, but I didn’t. Because sometimes we just make poor life choices as movie fans.

So The House Next Door is about the Black family (get it? still hilarious to this day) who survived the literal Purge in the last movie and are now down on their luck since Dad’s book isn’t selling. A new neighbor moves in… who turns out to be an African Vampire Pimp…

I snorted with what could charitably called mirth two or three times in this movie. I can’t remember what the jokes were… but I do remember Snoop Dogg (in his charity cameo) said something funny. But the movie is such a desert of unfunny non-jokes and “it’s funny because of stereotypes” comedy that most everything has slipped my brain.

No, I shouldn’t have ultimately bought that ticket but I was there, the movie was there, the showtime was there… I could have waited another 30 minutes for Peter Rabbit 2. But I did not. I could have found a better hobby like nude skydiving. But I did not. I could have gone home and rubbed my knuckles across a cheese grater. But I did not. Instead, I watched Meet the Blacks 2.

I are winner.

Score: 52