I gave an extra nudge to the the first two flicks in this misbegotten franchise simply because they looked good and were filmed well. Well, the charity has run out, the gloves are off, and I’m joining the masses with another low-ball rating.

Miraculously healed from, you know, getting shot in the belly at the end of the last film, our lead character has sex for pretty much the first 45 plotless minutes of this film. But eventually she splits for Portugal where she runs into the Other Guy from the previous movie and makes him her new boner donor.

I actually give this movie credit for just being a traditional love triangle in a romance film. No evil twins, no kidnappings, no dangerous descents into low-rent mafia bullshit, and no one gets shot dramatically (spoilers!). Just a lot of romance novel drama and sex. Sex up the wazoo (quite literally).

But, you know, maybe a little cheesy melodrama would have at least been interesting in a sneering, smirking kinda way. A little soap opera cornball instead of this flick’s long pauses and hand-wringing over a toxic, stupid relationship (when we aren’t going to the bone zone).

So this one ends on a less melodramatic moment than the last two… a scene that almost felt like they were going for meaningful drama. But, no, instead they get all serious, inserting pregnant pauses that never end, as the psycho mafia don ponders a life lesson for the ages: “If you love something, let it go.”

And, on that hack screenwriting note, they threaten yet another sequel.

This flick is bad and all the sunny bright locations can’t save it. They tried for a more traditional romantic triangle but forgot the kind of trash they were really making.

Score: 52