I renewed Paramount+ for this? Well… I guess I can cancel and spend the next 30 days catching up on Star Trek: Lower Decks….

As a guy who loved Stephen King’s original novel and who also likes both film adaptations, I wonder who was asking for this prequel? And that’s both before AND after I saw it. It adds detail to a side-story that didn’t need details… and it does it at a glacial pace. The only thing this prequels has going for it is at least it’s not Pet Sematary II.

The flick takes place in 1969 and tells the story of the previous time people went and did a dumb in the burial ground past the deadfall. Now we have a Vietnam vet zombie ambling about, causing trouble. Slowly. Oh bother.

This movie is boring… very little happens and, when it does, it happens slowly. It’s also poorly written and edited. The kind of bad that shows us a violent act, cuts to a character worrying over a hospital bed, and then flashes back 30 seconds in case we weren’t sure why he was worried. I get it… you think your audience is stupid. But check it: I just watched your torpid movie. I saw what put her in the hospital. Dear lord. Sometimes dead IS better.

To its credit, the movie earns an R rating. It’s not a horror movie hanging out with the PG13 crowd. But I’ve seen many more PG13 movies that are active and thrilling… unlike this desperate film that probably did the right thing and skipped the theater.

I was glacially bored by this endless, endless, endless movie. Barely 80 minutes and it felt twice as long.

Score: 58