So The Predator is either the fourth or the sixth film in the Predator franchise… four if you only count Predator (Arnold), Predator 2 (Danny Glover), and Predators (ermm… Adrian Brody?) or sixth if you count the two Alien vs. Predator movies. All of these movies are reasonably serious attempts at sci-fi horror or action… though with comedy. The Predator – the new one – is an attempt to add action to a comedy. Or something.
Shane Black is the writer/director of this utter mess of a film. Black, who weirdly co-starred in the original film, has gone on to make better flicks like Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, The Nice Guys, and Iron Man 3 (arguably, but I liked it). Black co-wrote and directed this film but I’m pretty sure some butcher hacked it to pieces in the editing room. It’s remarkable how wrong-headed, confusing, stupid, and messy this flick is…. and it would be the worst thing ever if I wasn’t at least entertained despite all that.
Because, yeah, the movie aims to please as some kind of weirdo comedy/action/sci-fi monster flick. The humor is scattershot… some of its ho-hum, some of its cringy, and some of it is genuinely funny… and I bet some of its going to piss off Twitter. Everyone… and I literally mean everyone… in this flick is the comic relief. From the square-jawed serious guy to the little kid to the menacing government spook… everyone is cracking wise. Hell, the military team is a bunch of Section 8 rejects. They are like The A-Team if everyone was Howling Mad Murdoch. Not a single person takes the presence of alien monsters on Earth seriously… they all seem to be in on the joke.
But, hey, when its not being a comedy, it’s kind of an even bigger disastrous mess of stupid dialog. I mean, seriously cringy dialog and plotting that tries to explain to the audience what’s going on in the movie. When an Arnold Schwartzenegger movie from the 80s had more faith in the intelligence of the audience, you got a problem. Somehow everyone in this movie instinctively understood the politics of the Predators invading the planet. And I do mean politics… not just their evil plan. Then there’s just laughable dialog inserted to, for some reason, explain why the Predators (and their dogs) have dreadlocks. Or why their cars won’t start (little known Predator ability – they can hack our cars).
All this is to say, this should be a hell of a terrible movie… and it would be if I wasn’t still entertained by it. I wasn’t bored, I appreciated the visual FX, the actors were all having fun, and the action wasn’t terrible.
So if you can ignore blatantly, egregiously chopped up storyline and bad, terrible, no good dialog, you might still have fun with a movie that isn’t even trying to take itself seriously. I guess if you are a Predator purist (is there such a thing?), you might be offended. So, hey, see it… or not.
Score: 75