When I saw River Wild on Netflix, my immediate thought was “A remake of The River Wild from 1994?!?”… did anyone remember that movie? And, more importantly, would I remember anything about it? (spoiler alert: nope). Also had to wonder if replacing Meryl Streep and Kevin Bacon with Leighton Meester and Adam Brody was a good trade-off (spoiler alert: I dunno… I barely remember The River Wild).

So, yeah, its about a woman on a white water rafting trip who gets mixed up with a criminal. In this case, Adam Brody – twitchy nervous Adam Brody – is a nogoodnik and now she has to survive on… <insert dramatic pause> The River Wild. Or, you know, eject the “the” since its just River Wild now.

Aaaaand… this is a very, very blah movie. I guess it’s not terrible but its so… eh… that its hard to find anything to write about it other than my hazy memory of a Meryl Streep movie. Adam Brody is twitchy Adam Brody and it’s kind of fun seeing him as a twitchy bad guy. I liked Leighton Meester in the past but not sure she brings anything to this movie.

And they row, row, row their boat down a stream. Guns are brandished, people fall out of boats, and blah.

I’m trying to work up some rage or acceptance but its hard. This river isn’t wild enough. Call it The River Shrug (only lose the “The”).

Rowing on.

Score: 70