Words betray me. I can’t find the right combination to describe the physical, intellectual, and emotional discomfort I was in while watching this movie. And it’s all my fault… there’s no reason for me to have gone to see it. I disliked the pervious two Trolls movies… but, I reasoned, I kind of liked some of the music in the hard rocked themed previous film so… maybe?

Jokes on me. This one worships at the feed of boy bands. I don’t have an innate fiery rage in the pit of my stomach for N’Sync or Backstreet Boys, but I have no reason to revisit them either. So this Trolls flick is like injecting a pixie stick into a hyperactive chocolate Easter bunny. It’s a barfing explosion of sicky sweet, cheesy crap that aggravated and annoyed me beyond reason… literally. I was analyzing why I had my hands on my face, wanting desperately to leave but digging my feet in because You. Just. Don’t. Walk Out. But maybe you should?

I think I know what I hate about these movies so much. It’s not just the random, over-caffeinated editing, it’s that the jokes have no setup, no punch, no craft… they just randomly spill out randomly. There’s no care put into building up to the joke… it just splays out and the flick moves onto it next gag or visual explosion.

Yeah, it’s for kids but even kids deserve better. But, then again, what the hell do I know? It’s gonna make more in a day than I’ll ever make in my entire life. Clearly I don’t know what I’m talking about.

On the plus side, a local animal shelter was visiting the theater so I got to pet the most perfect puppy and kitten on the way out. I marveled at how SOFT they both were… haven’t had a pet in decades and maybe I’ve just forgotten.

Yeah, that’s the kind of fuzzy-headed entertainment we need… not Trolls. Blarg.

Score: 56