A requin is another name for a whiteshark or a Carcharhinidae. There. I’ve learned you something and you can walk away safe in the knowledge you don’t have to watch this garbage.

The film unfortunately stars Alicia Silverstone as the wife of a couple on vacation in a floating raft hotel room in Vietnam. A storm rips the room from its moorings and sends it afloat. Now the couple has to survive in their cabana boat against the forces of nature and bad special effects.

I’m sorry to say this movie happened to Alicia Silverstone. This is either a film that happened to her on her way down or the shark movie is elevating itself to meet her half way. Given her distressingly terrible acting, I’m sad to report its the former. I’m usually not catty at actors who turn in a bad performance, but, you know… meow. Jeesh.

This is almost a shark movie in name only. No sharks appear for a full hour. Not even a hint of one (unless you count some fake-out dolphins). We just spend time floating and occasionally arguing. It’s not interesting. It makes me miss Great White from 2021 and that movie was a turkey in a shark costume… this is worse. This has even less going on… I’d have taken pointless bickering and tossing people into the ocean to get et instead of this great big Sargasso Sea of nothing.

And when the sharks do appear they make Bruce roll his eyes in disgust (black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes). It makes The Shallows look like Jaws and it makes Jaws 4 look like Jaws 2. It makes me want to go 47 meters down and not come up for air. It makes me wish an Orca would come along and bite me in half.

There’s actually one sort of cool moment – lasts about twenty seconds – where Silverstone faces down the shark with a boat propeller. It ends with a particularly bad shark effect so at least it has a punchline.

I really hated this movie. There was nothing convincing about it, it was boring and slow, the backdrops looked bad, the shark amused me, and the acting was terrible. Stay away… swim as fast as you can or give a badass speech and don’t get eaten by a shark popping out of the moon pool. Do anything but watch this dreary mess.

Score: 54